Inside Out Pain
Published in the Blue Nib Literary Magazine
poetry
​
I sink in the slippery callousness
the lack of urgency
the smell of dry air and cleaning products

doors numbered
like jail cells
faceless

when the cold handle caresses my hand
the wooden door
creaks it’s complaint

escorting me where
everyone goes
eventually

the hospital room dark
with moans
quiet with adults

numb with acceptance
steeped in assurances
faking wisdom

while I choke back
nausea and
hatred of inside out pain

that requires surgery
medication
interventions

paralyzed with the
ridiculous notions of
dinner

errands and dust
on the shelves
waiting at home

while I grow up
here and silently
beg for you

to not leave me
yet because I don’t know
how to fold the towels

and I cannot
find myself
without you

​